Music Of Life !!!

Well what is this I am writing today ? Well is it about something about someone or something , I don’t know but then I am writing this because maybe I have never felt like this before, why I am writing this Blog, well I just live and love writing and I believe that’s the only way through which I can express myself and I have always done that. Blogged a lot, people will never understand my blogs, because some find it very tough to grasp what I write, some say that I have very deep meanings in my blog and what I have to say to them is BullShit!!! My blogs are just BullShit , I have never written a blog which really had a true meaning a meaning which I have always wanted. I know that I am no altruist though I may pretend to be one , but then I know that I hate every individual around me, not because they are there existing , because they try to get a difference in my life by one of their acts and that’s what I hate to see and feel. I hate to change, I don't believe that change is something which is required for a person. Why does a person love anyone? Its not a compulsion, no its just that someone invented this word and then he said that he discovered the feeling. Why is that being close to someone and the so called feeling of caring and all the things the so called people do is called love. What if I say its all about building a hate for each other . Hate why Hate , because its all about asking something from each other in return , yes its all about asking something in return . Think about it , why do you love your parents its all about that you need them. Why do you need them , yes of course , you need them , you needed them every moment, if you did not have them , their education then you would have been even worst than a stray dog. Why a stray dog why did I compare you with a stray dog, its because , a stray dog can go wherever he wants and eat whatever he wants but you cannot ,you are not made up of that system. The place and the genes from where you are built would not permit that thing to go inside you and you would become even worst than a stray dog. This is not again targeting someone, but its just too personal. I am not reading again what I have written, neither I am going to check the grammar or the words spelling what I have used in this blog so, its like I am just writing, why am I talking to myself Just too frustrated !! Frustrated!! Frustrated of what , frustrated of every fucking thing around me , the way the people behave the way they try to intrude in my life , (aahhhh someone stop this music around ) the way they try to make a difference in your life.. What I am doing thought about studying but end up writing something , why did I end up by starting to write up again ? That’s just a mere frustration of myself. This time of the year I don’t realize what’s happening? People say History repeats what is History a mere illusions of the memories? What are memories a certain flash back of time , and what are those certain flash back of time , nothing but a pure way of loosing your self where you don’t know what are you living for in the present that you have to go back in time, to find yourself and help you to come out of the present. What is Past Present and Future. Physics !!! Physics of what ? Physics of Time ! Yes its all about the Physics of time ? How do you define Time ? Is it the clicking of the clock , those small sound you hear , of the clock ticking away ? That ticking, technology has taken away and what you hear is not the ticking but you see the clock moving!!! Time is just a mere true expression of your life, when gone never comes back and what I believe is that you should never try to let it come back maybe that’s is why I don’t keep the promises which I keep , but then If it comes to the promises then why cant I forget all the flashbacks, why cant I prevent it from coming to my mind and then let them hallucinate them and cause a Catastrophe in ymy life. Ok I have an excuse here also , lets say that we haven taken an exam, the exam is gone , gone back lost somewhere in time, but then what happens is that you get your result and what the hell is that result it gets you back to that time. I hate taking favors because I believe that its also very much similar to those exams where in what happens is that, those favors are the same as exams , where in you may get the results of those favors when you are not supposed to expect those results and what you find yourself is that you are just too obliged to give them the signatures of yours receiving the result. The whole community is about altruist being together, but within everyone there is an egoistic person residing where in they expect you to accept the result and they expect you to be obliged to accept the result. Why I am writing this is just to try to explain myself that its very tough for me to forget those pasts but then I have to forget everything , and be focused not to listen to others, there are thousands instrument used in an Orchestra, but then it has to be that one voice or the instrument which is to be recognized, that sound which lets you ignore the complete other instruments, the sound where in you may start expecting it to come again , that sound which makes you focused about trying to capture the very first time it gets played again and you start listening to it , even though its repeated you forget what was the last time it was played and you experience its freshness every time it is played or repeated in the orchestra , and that is the sound of your self the sound of yourself. Making you more focused and egoistic. This is Important !! You know that certain things are not the end, even a small distortion should not effect that sound, its too perfect to be out of your mind !! So what are you waiting for, what are you reading? What is written here is just bull shit, its just crap !! Its all about explaining what I am going through and what I have felt at times when that has happened ? What is the use ? There is no use ? Its just gone ? But then this post is for me and supposed to last !! My favorite post to last because, its to make me feel and understand that its not what I am and have become, its to make me realize that I should not let that sound get lost in the various distortions of the pathetic, horrible, paranoid, annoying and worth abhorring MUSIC OF LIFE !!!

My quest for nothing!

Where am I heading for? This is a question which is cropping in my mind since a long time. What do I need in life? What is life? Why was I born? How am I supposed to define myself? So many questions... Can someone help me to answer it? I learned speaking from the surrounding, why I cannot take up other things from surrounding. I never learned how to drive a car. My father bought a car a long time back and I was always a silent observer sitting at the back watching every maneuver. First it was confusing, but then I took it looking at the speedometer how his hands changed the gear. I knew it was 1 - 2 - 3 - 4. But then when to change was something absurd, after continuous watching, one day I surprised them and everyone in my surrounding, by driving the so called FIAT. Once I realized the pain my father had in reversing the car, as we had a huge path say 50 Meter long and few meters wide, where he had to reverse the car. Then one morning I took the keys and tried to reverse the car , and to everyone surprise I did it and then we had an exact of 4 fiat cars in my apartment and all of them tried doing it , but never could and ultimately I helped them a lot many time. Well I knew that time that it was not that change happened unknowingly, but then it was like it was followed. Someone did it and then there is someone else follows it. If everyone follows it, it becomes a trend. I do have seen some most stupid guys following something which is really absurd and makes no sense. Like the same place some one bought a huge jeep and he tried to reverse it there at the small place, and he got himself stuck. A nearly bumper to bumper with a wall. I bet if I had a video camera I would have shot it. My quest is also something the same, I am trying to follow to many people at the same time. Trying to avoid their foolish activities and trying to emulate them. Maybe this is a reason why I took up engineering. Maybe I wanted to emulate few of my relatives who boasted themselves to be engineer. What is now that I have to do? Who invented IT, who invented journalism, who invented Marketing, who coined these terms? Can’t I be one who will coin a term, that would become a trend and I would be unique? Well is it not that I am following these people who invented these terms. Am I not following the trend of inventing? Then what should I follow.... Nothing............

Funda Of Life ( From My Previous Blog )

To decide if you believe the thousands of people who have seen life. ... Have you seen life or had an encounter with life?
It opens the door to a very serious definition of life as we know it... do we know it ... Ah come on .. its all an illusion . an illusion which is very deceptive . Life is very short. Man is a traveler and Along the way he encounters and learn to distinguish between life and death ... Life is a circular, not a linear process ( Once said by a Great Buddhist monk ) ; but has anyone tried to express in the form of a polynomial where every expression can have its own meaning . how can some one say life is a circular process. Its a process which has an equation , whose limits tends to infinity . Every physician or a mathematical can has his own equation of life . Some great physician can describe life as a sin-u - sdel wave with ups and downs in his life . Some mathematician would love representing it with some curve where he is sure that it lies in a particular quadrant . Well well well ....... How will you define life ... If you want you can read my next blog where maybe i can define life in my sense of the So CALLED FUNDA .. 'FUNDA' is a word which has been associated with me since a long time ............................ Even this is Funda........

Funda Of Life ( From My Previous Blog )

To decide if you believe the thousands of people who have seen life. ... Have you seen life or had an encounter with life?
It opens the door to a very serious definition of life as we know it... do we know it ... Ah come on .. its all an illusion . an illusion which is very deceptive . Life is very short. Man is a traveler and Along the way he encounters and learn to distinguish between life and death ... Life is a circular, not a linear process ( Once said by a Great Buddhist monk ) ; but has anyone tried to express in the form of a polynomial where every expresssion can have its own meaning . how can some one say life is a circular process. Its a process which has an equation , whose limits tends to infinity . Every physician or a mathematicial can has his own equation of life . Some great physicial can describle life as a sin-u - sdel wave with ups and downs in his life . Some mathematcian would love representing it with some curve where he is sure that it lies in a particular quadrant . Well well well ....... How will you define life ... If you want you can read my next blog where maybe i can define life in my sense of the So CALLED FUNDA .. 'FUNDA' is a word which has been associated with me since a long time ............................ Even this is Funda........

Don't expect me to stay ( From my previous Blog )

When you're one of the few to land on your feet! What do you do to make ends meet? Your dreams are limited , but we still have to go to the dreamed of world !! Mighty waves come crashing down, The spray is lashing high into our eyes, but then there is more to come in from these dizzy heights !! And if you survive 8 , there will be people who will be breathing in , but you have to breathe out to reach those hieghts !!! Lets make to those heights , where they say that there are diamonds but i am looking for thrills !! I don't care if we get there on time.Everybody's searching for something, they say.I'll get my kicks on the way.Over mountains, across seas,Who knows what will be waiting for me?I could sail forever to strange sounding names.Faces of people and places don't change.All I have to do is just close my eyes, To see the seagulls wheeling on those far distant skies.All I want to tell you,All I want to say is count me in on the journey.Don't expect me to stay.

Politika ( This is from my previous Blog )

Suddenly i realize today about the reservations system, or i should say that I am realizing about the complete system. Politics is killing us man! Politics a strong word, was conceived by as some people say, by the great, Chankaya and some people say, by some Greek. Though this word had its name derived from the Greek word 'Polis'. Have i understood the dirt of politics? Am i waking up? What is happening? Where is the spark? What about me going in for agitations. Is it that my responsibilities have eaten the half part of me? Media brought a lot of things out, but then where do we all stand. India a secular country! How is secularism being hit? India a Democratic country! How? Well we have all been learning since our school days about the preamble …JUSTICE LIBERTY EQUALITY FRATERNITY... We resolve to const India in to Socialist, Secular, and Democratic Republic. When we are trying to do this, what we get in return, Lathes... Is it that we are trying to go to the Mahatma Gandhi's way of achieving independence? I still am in a state of dilemma, Reservations for what, Taxes for what? Politics!! Me working for what? Me, Struggling for what? Politics! Let’s take an example here, India going into Globalization, is this the right time to think about reservations. Few years back when BJP was in power, they tried to reduce the fees of IIMS, well what is happening, do they want to capture themselves into every sector of ours. This is something really strange. Whom are we living for, have we ever tried to just sit down and think and analyze. What are we doing, are we gaining something out of it? Well give a thought to it. Maybe i will be giving that a thought today. Let’s get to the other part of it, i go with my best counterpart somewhere, and there is a small argument with someone, and i shrug, what if that person has political or police contact! Why politics first? There is something really weir happening in this country. Can someone relate this: Stocks Market falls, India Looses, Finance Minister Says "RISE" and Stock Market Rises? Politics? My head is spinning!! Is yours too........ Give it a thought

A Drive in the Night

Pretty Strange, Walking down the road at 2:30 AM in the night all confused and lost though not drunk , I was just amazed at the city. Just tried comparing life with the long road, and was amazed to notice that life is just the same as the road. All the Lamp posts as if people trying to lighten up a certain distance of the life and then need some one else to lighten up that portion of the life. Are we so dependent on other people that we need other people in our life. Faced so many jobs interview and was amazed to notice that , the most common question asked was not Polymorphism or MultiThreading but Can you Work in a Team ?
What is a team , and why do you need a team , cant you do something all alone, well am amazed to notice that no person, in this world is not dependent on other. Thinking about Howard Roark , in fountainhead, even he needed Dominique when he needed to destroy Cortlandt. Well why am i writing this? Today being Christmas, just went back to the memory lane back into 2003 Christmas, it was all a girl and me together in a small restaurant in a small town where my college was, with a few of my batch mates around and what i was doing there at that place is what I don't know , but then I was there, sitting with her laughing. Suddenly all seems to be all lost, just a lamp post on my way which may have lighted a part of this distance, and suddenly never ever to visit the lamp post again. Today again I have this strange feeling of loosing a lamp post I don't know what?
Its all a very strange thing, when I went for the lunch ( normally I don't ) , but then as I wanted solitude all around me there was a wasp of people all around, murmuring in some strange language, and looking at them it made a clear impression of what they were, suddenly I got up to share the seat ( the seat there usually permit 4 people to sit ) , and 4 people came and sat there, just out of guts I told the 4th person to get up and find him a place as I was sitting there from before and half the junk people turned around to see me , out of anger or whatever. Well as I sat, it was all again back to the Lemon Pepper Salt and Onion , people looking at me, but I not bothered and people kept on looking, suddenly out of curiosity asked someone who are you and got the answer what i expected. Suddenly realized that those days are not far, where this country will be ruled by those set of people, who will not only have education , but have education without knowledge, the country ruled by people of Negatives Merit. A country where in I compared the roads of a city with my life, and the lamp posts with the people very close to me , those lamp posts never to be lightened again , because of the negativity into this county of ours.

The English Patient

Just completed The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje. Though have not read, its predecessor, In the Skin of Lion, from where the characters of Hana and Caravaggio has come, the novel is all about the Burned Man. A perfect and a genius way to plot the story, where in the novelist definitely try to take you from the Italian Villa to the Sahara, and this I really loved. The expression to describe the feel of Dryness in the villa and the desert to the wetness of the Oasis in the Desert and the Fountain in the villa is just impeccable. Characters though many have been introduced, substantially only 4 characters, are there around whom the Novel revolves

1. Hana

2. The English Patient

3. Caravaggio

4. Kip

Kip out of the place is an Indian Sikh, where maybe the author has tried to show some pity on the Indian condition during the colonial times. A novel trying to show, hatred but love, emotions but hardness. Tried to amalgamate the Luxuriant land of northern India, with the 5 river names i had long forgotten, (let me see can i write them again here) Ravi , Jhelum, Beas, Chenab, Sutlej(No need to google).

The novel doesn’t seem to get you that musty feeling like the other war novels, where in you just read about the mutinous people, who are jaded by the war and think that everything which the war has brought into is irreparable, though the lastly mention of the Atom Bombs, have tried to get that, but the ironical way it has been put up shows the way you can abhor the west to treat the eastern country like that.

The perennial love story of the English Patient has not to be missed here, which was precocious though the same when compared to the Kip's Love story, Kips story was very preposterous and obtuse.

At sometime it may though seem to be a pell-mell, but then over all, the book is very peremptory leaving the reader no chance but to complete the same.